My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize