Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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