I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
