So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
