Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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