Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
