I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Every concussion has its silver lining
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
