You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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