The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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