What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
