I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
