I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
