I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
