I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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