I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
