if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
