From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize