you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
