my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
