1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
