Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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