if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is Oprah even human
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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