9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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