are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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