Don't you send me to vm
the condom got lost in my hair
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
