Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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