Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I touched a dick in church today
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
