dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
