I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
