Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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