U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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