Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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