im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
