Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
whose parrot is this?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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