Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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