My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dicks are not precious.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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