note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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