I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
