it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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