I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
