you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
