Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
this hospital has no fireball
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
