Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
