your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
