ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
