were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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