bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't turn off my feet"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
