I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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