so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
