Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
