I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She's the barista slut.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
