I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
