My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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