The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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