my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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