god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
