I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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