He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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