Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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