would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Terrible idea I love it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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