i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He shit in the fireplace
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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