so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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