drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
