I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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