saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
