she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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