what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
