Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
