what if every blade of grass was a penis?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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