just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
