I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
