Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
